My life is ordinary. In comparison to past seasons of my life and current seasons my friends find themselves in, my life is ordinary. 

I am captivated by the idea that, as Christians, our lives should look different, radical, even a little crazy. But here I am, stuck in ordinary time. I don’t mean this to sound negative, living in ordinary time (there is a reason the majority of the liturgical year is called ordinary), it just seems counterintuitive to the life I want to lead. 

I woke up one morning frustrated by this feeling. Simply put, I had a bad attitude. “This is not what I want, Lord.” The mundane was getting to me. The pile of clean laundry needing to be put away grew as I pouted. “You spoke of newness, but everyday is the same. I want life to be exciting.” I still haven’t put my laundry away.

Since the beginning of 2020, the Lord has spoken newness over me. “Behold, I am doing a new thing.” I grabbed ahold of this verse (Isaiah 43:19) and ran with it until I came to an abrupt halt in March. The world came to an abrupt halt in March. 

“This is not the “new” I wanted, Lord…” I expected a fancy new job and maybe a boyfriend – a radical and exciting life with surprises around every turn. Well, there were surprises around every turn, just not “good” ones: grocery stores out of toilet paper, nationwide lockdown, masks, 6 feet distances. What?

And now? We can travel again, schools are opening back up, and the grocery stores have the “essentials” again, but this is not the “new” I wanted. 

I find myself in a new ordinary time. Absolutely nothing about living in the time of a pandemic is ordinary, but it’s normal now? It is no longer strange to me that we wear masks in public; wearing a mask is a habit, it’s normal. Using Zoom for meetings, interviews, birthday parties, baby and wedding showers, and bible study is normal. 

And I’m bored.

I’m not just bored by the “new normal,” my own day to day life has become boring. I don’t see the point in putting away my laundry or helping around the house. I actively avoid prayer because I feel like a broken record. Writing isn’t as exciting and it’s harder coming up with topics. I feel lethargic and drained. 

Choosing to trust that the Lord is working to bring about newness takes all of me, and I’m tired of surrendering myself every day. So I choose to sit back and wait for it to get better. I carry on with a reluctant heart and live from expectancy, not hope in Him, but hope that He will change my life for the better and immediately. And that has led to a lot of disappointment this year. I don’t think I’m alone in that. See, when I keep waiting for things to get exciting, I miss out on the excitement of my “ordinary” life. 

Life isn’t going to get better or any less ordinary if I just stare out my window, wistfully. I need to seek out the excitement in the ordinary. I need to approach each day with new eyes and a grateful heart. I need to surrender my bad attitude and misplaced hopes everyday, no matter how hard it may seem. I need to actively participate in ordinary time. I need to invite the Lord into the here and now. I need to recite Mary’s magnificat, not just in times of celebration, but in the ordinary. 

God is still good.

I still hope for newness, but I recognize that I need to trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to me, in His time. I will continue to shake off my bad attitude as I seek excitement. I will remind myself that the Lord is here and now. The Lord is in the ordinary. The Lord is in my pile of laundry. The Lord is in the people around me. The Lord offers Himself to me everyday. 

The question remains, will I choose to surrender myself to Him everyday?