// Catie Destatte //

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I have days where I just feel bad about myself. My hair won’t seem to lie flat, my nose looks just a little too big, I feel bloated and fat, I’m irritated at every little thing that my husband does, I have no patience for prayer. It’s so easy for me to pick out the things that are wrong with myself, even though the reality is that what I see when I think about myself and what others see when they look at me are two completely different realities. On these days I would give anything to change those little things about my appearance and my personality that I don’t like. I’d like to trade in my glasses for perfect vision. I’d like to lose a few pounds. I’d like that little clump of flyaways in my hair that hasn’t grown in five years to go away. I’d like to be less sarcastic, more gentle.

On these days, I have two options:

1. Wallow in self pity and continue to pick on all of the things about myself that I hate and wish I could change.

or

2. Recognize that these feelings plaguing me are lies and choose to focus on the things that I love about myself: the color of my hair, my long fingers, the size of my eyes, my feet, my laugh, my ability to have compassion for the people in my life.

I have no doubt you’ve had this scenario happen to you as well. I use this as an example, because I think it’s a good metaphor for our spiritual life.

Sometimes I have days where my soul feels ugly. Days where praying is hard. Where it seems that no matter how hard I try, I’m always weighed down by my sins and failures. Where I just can’t seem to wrap my head around the words of Jesus. Where His will seems so unclear.

I think Peter felt like this as he followed Jesus up the mountain on that day that the Transfiguration happened. Jesus has been doing a lot of amazing things and teaching the disciples a lot of difficult lessons. And Peter seems to be screwing up left and right. He just can’t seem to get it right, and he can’t understand what Jesus is trying to tell him about who Jesus is and what He’s here for.

And then, just as Peter was undoubtedly reaching a breaking point with himself, Jesus revealed His glory to Peter. And from then on, Jesus begins to transfigure Peter’s life. Peter goes from being this unimportant, timid fisherman to the brave and mighty leader of Jesus’ Church after His ascension into heaven.

So often in my own life, I’m just like Peter when he’s climbing that mountain. Frustrated, confused, discouraged. I go through my day with this weight on my soul, professing belief in His glory in my head but not feeling it in my heart.

And then, just as I reach my own breaking point, He allows me to see a flash of His glory, to know and feel His glorious presence in my soul. To realize that it was there all along, even when I didn’t feel it. And each time He does this, He transfigures a small part of my brokenness. My stubborn tendencies, my impatience at trying to figure out His will, my distorted way of thinking about my appearance, my frustration with my own weaknesses, my despair at my sinfulness. His glory penetrates these areas of my life and reveals the Truth to me.

There’s a song that I’ve been listening to a lot lately that describes this more perfectly than my own words can.

“And I am changed, I am so very changed by You, and Your love that rains down on me.

You have called me to this mountain, I will not turn around and walk away, I will move it, by Your grace I will move it.” -MOVE by Jessica Schissel

Sisters, sometimes it can feel like an uphill battle. We can feel weighed down by the ugliness of sin. We can feel weighed down by the difficulties and insecurities of our human life. But as He did with Peter, the Lord is waiting to reveal His glory and transfigure those parts of yourself that you would like to throw out. Have patience and courage, dear ones. Have trust that He will move, too.

As a sidenote, check out MOVE. by Jessica Schissel.