This is not the easiest topic to talk about, but the more I’ve talked to people over the years, I realize there are many others who share this similar hurt and feelings. What I am referring to is an extreme sense of being repeatedly let down, hurt, or completely failed by our earthly fathers.

I grew up in a home that seemed mostly happy on the outside, but the inside was greatly affected by my father’s anger issues. I always envied my younger sibling’s ability to bounce right back and forgive my father after one of his angry outbursts…but not me. Each episode made me slowly lose more and more faith in him and my ability to trust any sense of security that his better moods offered. Amongst my father’s list of personal issues was also his own battle with depression and lack of self-esteem which usually kept him from feeling happy, successful, and confident in who he was.

That was the example of fatherhood I grew up with.

The less trust I had in my father, the more I felt I had to place all of that trust in myself. I can’t depend on him to provide financially, emotionally, or spiritually, so maybe my best bet was to rely on myself.

I remember swearing to myself as a child that I would never be like him. That I would be happy, successful, and confident in who I was. And while these are natural and healthy goals for any person to have, they became my obsession.

I placed all my trust in myself, not my Heavenly Father.

I had to make LOTS of money, I had to do everything in my power to be happy whether that meant exercise, supplements, fad diets, shopping, vacations…you name it! I tried it. And no matter what, I knew I had to be the one to look after myself, because deep down I knew no one was trustworthy enough to do so.

It never dawned on me until my early adulthood how greatly my upbringing affected the way I viewed God. I treated him a lot like my earthly father. Once I grew up and “escaped” my parent’s house I would come home, be cordial, and then leave. I did this for so long with God! I
would show up to church or the chapel, so hello, and then leave. I didn’t spend time with Him. I certainly didn’t dare ask for anything out of fear of being let down, knowing He may or may not be able to provide.

But how wrong was I?

The last two years have been a huge time of spiritual growth. My Heavenly Father has done nothing but provide for his daughter and lavish her with His unfailing love and kindness. Every detail of my life seems to fall into place and the perfect time. There are definitely times where He makes me wait, or even closes a door. But just like that in His own perfect timing a new door opens. Sometimes I look back and am just stunned at how my Heavenly Father has intricately guided and provided for every detail of my life!

My dear friends, if this is a cross you have had to carry in your life, I challenge you to run to the Lord. He is a good, good Father!

He knows you.

He wants you.

He will provide for you.

He has written out every precious detail of your life.

You are always in His hands and I promise He will never let you go.

This message was in no way meant to bash my earthly father. I love my Dad dearly and pray for him always. I just want others to know that life is not always roses. That people, often times those closest to us, can hurt us badly, and that ultimately our trust needs to be in Our Heavenly Father.

Peace to you all,
Gab